Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
