I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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