So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
