Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
