garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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