i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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