i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think people are normalizing furries
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
