matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
