My room smells like vodka and shame
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
