What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
