Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
