How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
