I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We got so high we made milksteak
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
