He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
