I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
