Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
