im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
