I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
