i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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