rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
