I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
