Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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