Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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