he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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