maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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