Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
