but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
