sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
3pm strippers are depressing
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
