I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
