What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
