I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
