cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
