I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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