i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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