Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
