I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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