...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
