So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
