just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
