Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
