Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
