4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
