Dual....:-)
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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