omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
