Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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