Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
