hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Never joke about your clitoris.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
