Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it was like eating out sand paper
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
