someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
