that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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