Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
